Dari Greater Manchester Ke Pachel Leyley

2012-01-24T19:17:00.001+08:00

2012-01-18T23:30:00.001+08:00

2012-01-08T20:35:00.001+08:00

2012-01-08T20:24:00.001+08:00

2012-01-08T15:40:00.001+08:00

2012-01-01T06:33:00.000+08:00

Earlier this morning, on my way to the masjid, I noticed that the road have become eerily empty. No cars whatsoever. And so does the entire neighbourhood. Still silent. Which is rather odd.

Immediately I realized that...this is how awesome zombie apocalypse would be.

So yeah, Happy Gregorian '12 and thanks '11. You've been a total ~~bitch~~ life altering experience.

2011-12-25T02:39:00.000+08:00

Never would have cross my mind such spin-off would be created.

Heh.

On another note, Selamat Hari Natal & Happy Holidays.

2011-12-22T21:00:00.001+08:00

Aku Nikahkan Akan Dikau

2011-12-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

2011-12-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

Aku Nikahkan Akan Dikau

2011-11-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

Kurang sebulan sebelum menikahkan kakak Abu, Abu mula berkira-kira adakah tindakan yang bijak untuk tidak memprotes keputusan datuk, nenek, pakcik, makcik, ibu, dan bakal pengantin sendiri.

#1

"Ha, Abang, ni Abah dah tak ada, Along kahwin esok ni Abang yang kena walikan tau."

"Wali tu boleh, nikah tu nanti suruh Jurunikah tu la senang."

"Eh, mana boleh, tu jiran sebelah rumah nenek tu, anak dia nak kahwin, adik perempuan tu yang kahwinkan. Sekolah lagi dia tu."

"..."

#2

"Long, rasanya Cik Amat lah yang kena nikahkan hang nanti. Pakcik sebelah bapa supersede adik beradik lelaki seibu sebapa kan?"

"Eh, mana ada. Lepas datuk sebelah bapa, adik beradik seibu sebapa."

"..."

#3

"Nikahkan jela kakak kau tu. Arwah Abah kau dulu nak sangat nikahkan first-born dia tapi tak sempat. Yelah, manusia hanya merancangkan. Apalah salah kau step up and finish the job."

"..."

#4

"Jadi kamulah yang nak nikahkan esok nanti ya? Atau nak saya saja?"

"Imam rasa macam mana?"

"Seeloknya kamulah."

"..."

Setelah come to term, Abu sibuk memikirkan strategi seterusnya.

Adakah teks akan disediakan? Adakah perlu sebut kakak atau kekanda macam yang dipesan oleh Jurunikah tempoh hari? Babi persuratan melayu lama apa pula nanti rakan-rakan adik Abu akan kata. Macam mana pula status Abu yang masih bujang dan adik kepada pengantin perempuan. Adakah akan dipandang serong oleh masyarakat setempat?

Perlukan Abu berkelakuan liar dan setup PA System dan test mic bila-bila bakal abang iparnya datang ke rumah seperti yang dibuat oleh bapa mertua Farid? Mungkin itu penting untuk mengingatkan bakal pengantin lelaki siapa alpha male di territory ini.

Patutkan juga Abu bergurau gaya pakcik-pakcik dengan,

"Eh, apa basah tangan ni? *insert troll face*"

ketika pertama kali berjabat tangan dengan pengantin lelaki pada malam pernikahan? Dan juga sebagaimana yang dipesan oleh Dr Ahmad untuk berkata,

"Kita buat sekali aja ya?"

Sekaligus bakal mengecilkan family jewel pengantin lelaki seraya terus mengangguk lembut madu.

Atau mungkinkah, Si Tukang Nikah yang bakal stammer nanti?

FML.

Dad, please put this under your tab.

2011-11-01T15:59:00.000+08:00

So Far This Week

2011-10-30T17:52:00.001+08:00

The Lookout
Expectation: 3/5
In The End: 3/5
Note: Isla Fisher is fiiine.

Super 8
Expectation: 5/5
In The End: 4/5
Note: Light glare overkill? The fuck Steve. Same goes to Transformers.

Garden State
Expectation: 4/5
In The End: 3/5
Note: Routine is good. But occasional random is great.

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
Expectation: 4/5
In The End: 4/5
Note: Weird chick = Fun. Ramona Flowers? Jane Burnham? Wednesday Addams? Jenny Herk? Plus, what's with K. Dunst and nip poke? Ha-ha.

Atonement
Expectation: 4/5
In The End: 3.5/5
Note: Saoirse Ronan (Atonement, 2007), Dominique Swain (Lolita, 1997), Natalie Portman (Leon, 1994), Kristen Dunst (Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, 1994), Haley Joel Osment (The Sixth Sense, 1999), Dakota Fanning (I Am Sam, 2001), Elle Fanning (Super 8, 2011), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit, 2010), and whole lot other more. Child actor/actress huh? ...Hey, wait the minut-

Little Miss Sunshine
Expectation: 4/5
In The End: Please Watch/5
Note: Please watch.

2011-09-23T10:01:00.003+08:00

Sweet mother of love.

2011-08-20T08:25:00.000+08:00

Sweeeeet (nada Chumlee of PawnStars).

Walaupun Mempunyai Sifat Pemalu Dan Pendiam

2011-08-18T01:19:00.002+08:00

Sedang asyik mengemas bilik abah gua yang semak macam setan (Abah, you owe me big time the next time we met again.), gua terstumble satu benda yang paling WTF.

Apalah agaknya dah jadi dengan Penolong Ketua Pengawas sekarang ya?

Asmie

2011-08-11T12:40:00.002+08:00

"Ya Allah, Pemilik Hari Pembalasan, melampau cantiknya Irma Hasmie kat rancangan Ketuk-Ketuk Ramadhan tadi. Kalau bukan mengenangkan pesan Pengutus Tuhan, dah terbatal puasa tadi agaknyalah." - Topik Husin masa ziarah tadi.

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 16: Edisi Akhir

2011-08-09T23:19:00.003+08:00

Tahun 1998, Mid Valley Kuala Lumpur.

"Ya Allah Mak kau ni bang, baru jalan-jalan nak shopping sikit dah sesat sana sini. Susah orang dibuatnya. Aduh. Esok Abah dah tak ada kau jagalah mak kau ni bang. Ingatlah pesan Abah.", pesan Atan pada anaknya Abu.

Suhana tersenyum-senyum ditegur sebegitu rupa.

Tahun 2001, Jusco Ipoh.

"Saya baru ke MPH kejap tadi awak dah ke mana. Takkan tempat kecil macam ini pun boleh hilang. Allah la. Tolonglah jaga mak kamu ni bang esok kalau Abah dah tak ada. Nanti kesian dia hilang seorang-seorang.", ujar Atan sambil berkali-kali geleng kepala.

Suhana buat muka selenga sambil kiri kanan penuh beg plastik dan kertas bercampur-campur.

Tahun 2004, Hotel Naza Johor Bharu.

"Kan saya dah kata TINGKAT 15! Yang awak pergi tingkat 7 buat apa?. Saya dah pesan banyak kali tadi. T-I-N-G-K-A-T 1-5. Astaghfirullah. Apa yang susah sangat? Bang, ni kau tolonglah tenggokkan Mak kau ni esok kalau Abah dah tak ada. Jangan biar dia jalan seorang-seorang. Karang hilang Mak kau yang seorang ni." kata Atan menekukan pandangan pada Abu.

Tahun 2011, Wad 7B.

"...Saya minta maaf Puan. Jantung suami Puan dah berhenti. Kami tak tekan dada dia ya? Sebab memang dah tak ada gunanya.", Nasihat Dr. Khoo Mew sedikit telo Sino-Malay.

Suhana menangis meratap wajah lelaki yang sudah kurang lebih 30 tahun berdiri bersama, duduk bersama, makan bersama, mandi bersama, tidur bersama, solat bersama yang kujur kaku.

"Minta maaf ya Puan. Minta beredar sebentar, kami nak bersihkan mayat."

Suhana bangun sambil dipimpin Abu melalui lorong gelap Wad 7B pada jam 3.45 pagi.

Sambil menahan sebak di dada, Suhana berkata,

"..Mak sedih Bang...dah tak ada siapa nak jaga kita lagi..."

"...."

"..Tak apa, Abang kan ada."

2011-08-03T18:19:00.001+08:00

2011-07-28T04:25:00.001+08:00

Fauzi sudah (lama) kahwin.

2011-07-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

Last year Philips ran a contest called Parallel Lines in which they asked people to create a three-minute short film using only six lines of dialogue: “What is that?”, “It’s a unicorn”, “Never seen one up close before”, “Beautiful”, “Get away, get away”, and “I’m sorry”. After more than 600 entries were submitted, director Ridley Scott selected the above film, titled “Porcelain Unicorn”, as the winner.

2011-07-23T07:51:00.001+08:00

2011-07-15T18:54:00.001+08:00

Yah Anak Mak Ngah Yang Ketiga.

2011-07-05T10:08:00.004+08:00

HOLA (tulisan besar hiasan biasa)

Oit! Mesti pelik kan. Oke, first thing. Tgh x tau nak bahasakan diri ape nih. So, gne yah jela kayh. Knal x? ntah2 yah pun die xknal. yelah, kat kampung bukannya slalu sangat borak.

(gambar katak di sini)

Rase cam dah setahun xborak. Atau lebih. Biarlah. Kalo still xknal, meh yah btau. Yah anak mak ngah yang ketiga. Sape mak ngah? Pandai2 lah carik. Yah hanta ni sbb kat trendak, tgh exam. so maybe kat muar pun exam. so juz nak wish gudluck. n teringin gak nak tau cane hidup kat muar tueh. yah dah penah gie muar tapie xtdo dlm block die. just kat sickbay die. bapak ah. banyak jugak yah tulis. xbosan ke bace?

(gambar budak lelaki dengan goggle di atas kepala)

biarlah. kalo boring, kne bace gak. i dun care. kat sane, xde girlfriend ke? kalo ade, knal2 kan larh =) xpe, yah xbgtau paklong. yah reti simpan2 secret nieh.

(gambar budak lelaki berambut potongan pendek no. 2)

nanti btau kayh. mesti ade kan. Kate dah form 4. Klarh, dah ngarut gle dah ni. nyampah plak kang. Kayh, main thing nak ckp is gudluck 4 ur exam n gudluck kat muar. have fun!! =) bye!!

sorry kalo nyampah.
xde idea sbnrnya.

kalo bleh balas, balaslah!

From
(tandatangan Shira@Yah@Terendak)

(gambar budak lelaki marah sambil peluh penuh di dahi)

Dihantar pada 2003
Ditulis atas kertas A4 bewarna hijau yang dilipat 2 dengan pen biru.
Dilipat further menjadi origami kertas ringkas dan diisi dengan several gula-gula Fruities berperisa Epal.
Disyaki dihantar kepada Ahmad yang player tetapi bright (8A1 2A2) namun tak pernah dibuka.
Akan tetapi, setelah 4 steady girlfriend, Yah akhirnya selamat couple dengan Ahmad buat masa sekarang.

This was the good 'ol days.

2011-07-01T05:45:00.002+08:00

I suppose if one could be like Mansour Bahrami, one could lead a very happy, long life and then die a very, very satisfied man. Heck, god willing, I reckoned he'd be playing tennis with Moses in the afterlife.

2011-06-30T10:17:00.000+08:00

I Got Sad Sometimes Too When I Think About Fish.

2011-06-24T06:56:00.001+08:00

I Love Sarah Jane from Qoob TV on Vimeo.

2011-06-15T10:23:00.001+08:00

2011-06-01T08:00:00.000+08:00

I'm Trying To Take A Piss Here So Don't You Dare Come Near My Birdie!

2011-05-30T19:54:00.003+08:00

2011-05-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

CALL OF PICTURE: MODERN PHOTOGRAPHY 3

2011-05-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

And not a single fuck was given that day.

These Manly Tears Have Been Shed

2011-05-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

Like An Artist.

2011-05-14T17:18:00.002+08:00

http://goo.gl/zPGbP

by =JellyVampire.

ObL.

2011-05-14T17:03:00.001+08:00

For nine years I wrote and I said that Osama bin Laden was not hiding in a cave. I'm not a cave expert, I was just using my common sense. He was a multimillionaire crime boss (using religion as his cover), and those guys just don't live in caves. He had people killed under the guise of religion, and not many in the media bothered to explain that every time Osama referenced Islam, he wasn't really quoting Islam. Just because Osama said he was a "Muslim" didn't make it so. Yet he was called a Muslim by everyone. If a crazy person started running around mass-killing people, and he did so while wearing a Wal-Mart blazer and praising Wal-Mart, we wouldn't automatically call him a Wal-Mart leader or say that Wal-Mart was the philosophy behind his killings, would we?

Yet, we began to fear Muslims and round them up. We profiled people from Muslim nations at airports. We didn't profile multi-millionaires (in fact, they now have their own fast-track line to easily get through security, an oddity considering every murderer on 9/11 flew in first class). We didn't run headlines that said "Multi-Millionaire Behind the Mass Murder of 3,000" (although every word in that headline is true). You can say his wealth had nothing to do with 9/11, but the truth is, there is no way he could have kept Al Qaeda in business without having the millions he had.

Some believe that this was a "war" we were in with al Qaeda - and you don't do trials during war. It's thinking like this that makes me fear that, while bin Laden may be dead, he may have "won" the bigger battle. Let's be clear: There is no "war with al Qaeda." Wars are between nations. Al Qaeda was an organization of fanatics who committed crimes. That we elevated them to nation status - they loved it! It was great for their recruiting drive.

We did exactly what bin Laden said he wanted us to do: Give up our freedoms (like the freedom to be assumed innocent until proven guilty), engage our military in Muslim countries so that we will be hated by Muslims, and wipe ourselves out financially in doing so. Done, done and done, Osama. You had our number. You somehow knew we would eagerly give up our constitutional rights and become more like the authoritarian state you dreamed of. You knew we would exhaust our military and willingly go into more debt in eight years than we had accumulated in the previous 200 years combined.

{Link.}

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 15

2011-05-03T18:32:00.002+08:00

Abah Abu memang pemarah orangnya. Kadang-kala memang bagai orang di rasuk setan. Bila Abu tak tahan, dia akan cuba distantkan diri daripadanya Abahnya, dan juga siapa-siapa yang langkah kiri kena marah waktu itu.

Namun, kalau Abu stay di situ long enough ada baiknya juga. Dah bermacam jenis peribahasa yang keluar dari mulut Abah bila dia marah.

'Nang mu ti nang, kui mu ti kui, olang pun bukan olang, hantu pun bukan hantu'. Tahun 1999, Popular Bookstore di Terminal 1 Seremban.

'Don't beat around the bush'. Tahun 2006, dalam kereta, baru pulang daripada Plaza Lowyat.

Dan macam-macam lagi.

Tapi cream of the crop?

'Kokok berderai-derai, ekor bergelumang tahi'.

Kalau marah orang guna peribahasa yang tidak-tidak ni, feel agak eh?

Pengalaman Saya Berjumpa Sa-orang Adi-Ningrat Indie

2011-04-26T22:46:00.003+08:00

Dari kiri: Farid Fadhly, Loque, Moque

2011-04-26T16:01:00.003+08:00

Presinct 2.
Kediaman Semi-Detached 1 Tingkat.

Adi yang sedang berbaring di katil khusyu' membaca antologi terbaru penulis kegemarannya, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, sambil menunggu waktu tidur, ditegur oleh pengantin tak berapa barunya.

"Abang?"

"Hmm?", jawab Adi yang tak berapa nak gemar dicoax into pillow talk macam ni.

"Kalau..uhm..kalau saya gantung barang saya dalam bilik tidur kita ni boleh tak?", tanya Sofia Luna Eskara gaya isteri mithali.

Adi, seorang lelaki yang simple berfikir, ah, ni nak gantung pakaian dalam la ni kalau perempuan nak gantung-gantung dalam bilik ni. Kang gantung kat luar di santet oleh Mat Indon mana-mana susah juga.

"Nak gantung coli ke? Gantung la sayang."

"Abang!", Sofia Luna Eskara menegaskan suaranya.

Adi mula risau. Terbayang peristiwa di Mid Valley tempohari. Sewaktu sedang while away time sementara menunggu showing time '..Dalam Botol', Sofia Luna Eskara dengan coynya memuji kecantikan amoi jual asam berhampiran mereka.

Adi, tanpa shrewdness seorang player mengiyakan sambil komen tentang pendekatan bob-cut amoi itu yang menyerlahkan lagi feature bentuk rupa parasnya.

Enough said, malam tu Adi kena layan '..Dalam Botol' versi torrent dari JWGTorrent. Umum tahu, dalam situasi macam tu, safe exit strategy adalah dengan menidakkan statement Sofia Luna Eskara.

"Eh, siapa kata amoi macam tu lawa? Lawa lagi perempuan sebelah saya ni."

It's ok, you can thank yours truly later.

Berbalik kepada pillow-talk mereka tadi. Adi yang jelas bingung apa patut dibuat dalam situasi ini, mengambil inisiatif Swiss. Jadi neutral. Senyap dan react sepantas yang boleh berdasarkan kata-kata yang bakal dituturkan oleh Sofia Luna Eskara sebentar lagi.

"Kenapa panggil coli?! Panggillah bra!"

"???!"

Malam itu, Adi menemui profound respect yang baru terhadap orang tuanya, datuknya, dan lelaki-lelaki lain yang telah lama berkahwin.

Women, sometime by being just women, are plain ridiculous.

2011-04-20T11:29:00.000+08:00

The Candy Shop from Whitestone Motion Pictures on Vimeo.

2011-04-19T11:04:00.001+08:00

Let's Start a Learning Revolution from Skillshare on Vimeo.

Tarik!

2011-04-18T11:13:00.014+08:00

"Ha, yang ni pula, senang je ni Encik. Yang ni Encik tak payah nak tolak nak apa, just tarik saja.", terang Eksekutif Pemasaran tu bersungguh-sungguh.

Dengar saja perkataan 'tarik' tu, tiba-tiba Abu tersenyum mengingatkan peristiwa di Pantai Batu Feringgi.

Hujung tahun lepas, Abu dan rakannya Acong, telah membuat Ekspedisi Mencari Pencerahan di seluruh Semenanjung Malaysia. Berbekalkan Kancil 0.6 berkuasa normal dan 2-3 helai baju, bermacam-macam kerenah dah mereka jumpa.

Dari nenek orang asli topless berpayu dara leper sampai ke pusat macam setan on the way ke Gurun dari Gerik, brader anak 1 mencarut tak beringat dalam Masjid a-Maarif Alor Setar sejurus selepas selesai solat fardhu Zohor, pengawal malam berhampiran Hentian Penyu Rantau Abang yang peramah sangat disangka warga bunian dan lain-lain lagi.

Tetapi, untuk cerita 'tarik', kita kena ke Pantai Batu Feringgi.

---

"Okay, parasailing ni senang saja."

Acong dah berpeluh sikit. Bila sales person kata semuanya mudah, semuanya senang, semuanya bisa diatur, mungkin kau dah boleh cuba cari prospek yang lain. 'Bala' senang nak menimpa untuk kes-kes macam ni (Cue: "Yang ini tak payah cari orang, cari ...)

"Abang enjoy dekat atas tu. Nanti dah sampai 2-3 round-"

"3 round? Kata 2 tadi?"

"Tak apa, kita orang Melayu sama-sama saya kasi lebih."

Abu dan Acong pandang masing-masing sambil angguk sikit tanda faham-faham sendiri.

"Okay, ingat ya bang, nanti dah sampai pantai, saya jerit tarik. TARIIIKKK!!!", brader ganguro tu kasi bunyi satu kali biar Abu ingat.

"Saya jerit je tarik, Abang tarik tali yang ada ikat reben merah ni saja tau. Ingat reben merah ni saja. Yang lain tak payah kisah. Ha, itu saja. Senangkan? Okay pakai."

"Err, tapi bang, boleh tahan ke payung ni bawa kita berdua. Dekat-dekat 300 kilo jugak la kalau campur kawan saya ni.", tuding Acong tanda tak nak kalah.

"Boleh-boleh, pakai sekarang."

"Ni kamera, handphone semua saya tinggal sini ya? Tak hilangkan?"

"Tak-tak, kita ada sini. Tu masuk dalam beg tu." Kata brader ganguro gaya tak tinggal sembahyang Subuh.

---

"Wey, feeling jugak ni Chong. Dah rasa macam babak-babak awal Jurassic Park III pun ada. Apa-apa hal aku potong je tali ni, boleh kita dive elak Pterodactyl menyerang.", sembang Abu pakai lutut.

Acong mengiyakan tanda setuju. Tak elok juga bertelagah di ketinggian hampir 500 kaki macam ni getus hati kecil Acong.

Lepas muak layan angin dan ombak, sampai waktu mendarat. Sebagai yang situated di atas, Abulah yang kena tarik tali payung tu untuk descend.

"TARIIIKK!!", jerit brader ganguro yang jelas idolanya adalah Zanzibar beach boys.

Praappap. Abu tarik rilek-rilek.

"TARIIKKK!!!!!". Abang pantai jerit lagi tinggi decibelnya tanda proses descend tak menjadi.

Abu masih lagi rilek tapi kali ni tarik dengan 2 tangan.

Apa yang dapat diperhatikan, Abu dan Acong memang descend, tapi instead of turun jejak ke pantai, mereka makin dekat dengan Davy Jones Locker.

Acong yang dah makin panas dengan sikap rakan-rakan yang cuba flirting with Death menjerit sekuat hati.

"TARIIKK!!! TARIIKK!!!! TARIIIIIKK!!!! PUKIMAKKK!!!!!"

Abu makin sewel dibuatnya, cuba mengingkar arahan brader pantai dengan menarik tali yang satu lagi. Tali yang tiada reben merah.

BAB! Bunyi Abu dan Acong menghempas pantai Batu Feringgi. Sekumpulan white people yang hanya 2-3 kaki dari tapak mendarat pada awalnya, bangun bertempiaran lari. Satu blondie cun memberanikan diri bertanyakan,

"Are you alright guys?"

Acong, macam lelaki-lelaki fertile yang lain bingkas bangun.

"No, we're cool.", Tanda riak jelas terpancar di dahi walaupun baru sebentar tadi terlepas daripada bahana seluar basah dek air laut. Bunyi macam hal kecil. Hakikatnya itulah satu-satunya seluar yang tinggal untuk 2-3 hari lagi. Sebelum seluar lain direcycle.

"Ha, nasib baik Abang pandai tadi. Tarik tali yang satu lagi. Angin berubah tadi."

Inilah dia. Angin pula yang disalahkan.

Berbekalkan akal yang cerdas, dan tindak refleks Abu yang tinggi, Acong sekarang hidup mewah dengan pendapatan 7 angka sebulan di selatan tanah air berkat bisnes Swing Trading Forex. Kalau bukan sebab Abu dapat A2 dalam Fizik SPM, entah dah lainlah outcome mereka hari ni.

How Guys Talk

2011-04-16T19:44:00.002+08:00

Walt Kowalski: Now you just gotta learn how guys talk. You just listen to the way Martin and I banter it back and forth. You OK? You're ready?

Thao Vang Lor: Sir!

Walt Kowalski: Alright let's go in...

Barber Martin: Perfect! A Polak and AND a Chink!

Walt Kowalski: How ya doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?

Barber Martin: Walts! You cheap bastard! I should have known you'd come in, I was having such a pleasant day!

Walt Kowalski: What'd you do? You ruse some poor blind guy out of his money? Gave him the wrong change?

Barber Martin: Who's the Nip?

Walt Kowalski: Ohh... He's a pussy kid from next door. I'm trying to man him up a little bit... You see kid, now that's how guys talk to one another.

Thao Vang Lor: They do?

Barber Martin: What, you got shit on your ribs?

Walt Kowalski: Now you go out and come back in and talk to him like a man, like a REAL man. Come on! Get your ass outta here! Come on back now.

[to Martin]
Walt Kowalski: Sorry about this.

Thao Vang Lor: What's up ya old Italian prick?

Barber Martin: [pointing rifle at Thao] Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!

Walt Kowalski: Jezus Christ, Holy Shit! Hehe. Take it easy, take it easy!

[to Thao]
Walt Kowalski: What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?

Thao Vang Lor: But that's what you said. That's what you said men say.

Walt Kowalski: You don't just come in and insult the man in his own shop! You just don't do that. What happens if you meet some stranger? You get the wrong one, he's gonna blow your gook head right off!

Thao Vang Lor: What should I have said then?

Barber Martin: Well... why don't you start with... eeehm... Hi or Hello...

Walt Kowalski: Yeah, just come in and say... eeeehm... Sir, I'd like a haircut if you have the time.

Barber Martin: Yeah, be polite, but don't kiss ass.

Walt Kowalski: In fact you could talk about a construction job you just came from and bitch about your girlfriend and your car.

Barber Martin: eeeehm... Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and eeehmm those son of bitches really nailed me, I mean they screwed me right in the ass!

Walt Kowalski: Yeah, don't swear AT the guy, just talk about people who are not in the room... eeeh... you could talk about your boss... eeeh... making you work extra time when there is bowling night.

Barber Martin: Right, or... eeeh... my old lady bitches for two goddamn hours about how... eeeeh... they don't take expired coupons at the grocery stores. And the minute I turn on the fucking game, she starts crying how we never talk!

[Thao walks out then enters again]
Thao Vang Lor: Excuse me Sir, I need a haircut if you ain't too busy. Boy, does my ass hurt from all of the guys at my construction job.

Cougar

2011-04-13T23:33:00.003+08:00

"It's alright Lucas, you can ask your girlfriend to stay outside."

*Snicker* "You're too kind. I'm his mother."

Cougar Hunting 101 by our baldy friend Sgt. Frank Tripp.

Kalau Penat, Berhenti Sekejap.

2011-04-06T17:23:00.004+08:00

Aku jarang jumpa Nuzul (rakan seperjuangan). Kalau kadang-kadang jumpa dia, aku akan tanya soalan-soalan asas.

"Amacam life? OK ke?"

Nuzul akan secara bersahaja cakap,

"Alah, macam kau cakap la Mok. Hidup ni senang je. Kalau lapar, makan. Kalau mengantuk, tidur. Kalau penat, rehat. Itu je."

Credit.

Random Is The Way To Go

2011-04-05T13:03:00.003+08:00

It would never cross my mind this would come from a site that gave birth to some weird ass creepy videos.

I suppose wooing a girl by singing to her would never be lame.

Rad

2011-03-29T07:15:00.000+08:00

ical.

She

2011-03-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

..have balls made of hardened concrete.

Bonnie and Clyde

2011-03-14T06:09:00.008+08:00

I: ..So tell us, when was your first encounter with Alice?

A: Well, I suppose it was during our big lecture whereby both our classes were conjoint. Immediately I notice the goth-emo-almost steampunk attitude she'd associated herself with. Plus, I notice she's always with that Sarawakian cutie, amongst other 2-3 of her close friends. Not to belittle her, but sporting that emo look, it would never cross my mind she's a princess of a Dato' Seri Lela Dato' Paduka.

That's a mouthful, mind you. Heh.

I: Be careful where you heading with that. Did you ever speak with her?

A: Yeah. At a Muse concert. Ha ha. Frankly, we did have this Surveying Camp assignments during our first year as a group, but yeah, that's obligation. At the concert. whilst waiting for the band to come up on stage, I notice a group of girls just arrived to the stadium and I said, hey, that girl's in my class. Upon noticing me and the boys, she waved. While maintaining a straight face despite the urge to go all gung-ho due to that was my first concert, I holler her over to our seating area, figuring that's what a seasoned, cool, grungy guy would do, with couples of gigs on his belt.

Yup, total cool and not uncomfortable at all.

That's the first time a girl sat so close beside me and exchanging sweat while jumping around to Time's Running Out.

I'm kidding.

I: Moving on, do you have continuing chat after that?

A: Yeah, we've Skype couple of times at which she profusely reminded me how chicken-out she is with ghost. Judging from Zulfirhan physique, I know she's in good hand. That guy could easily beat the crap out of our typical Malay ghost such as Fasha Sandha, I mean hantu pokok pisang, or Maya Karin, I mean pontianak.

I: I see, finally, do you have anything to say to the newly weds?

A: I wish for them ever lasting marriage. Make lots of babies and come down again, should Muse decide to tour Malaysia in the future!

Amboi Puan. Tu dia. Gelak sakan no. Taula suami segak. Hmm. Suka betui dia dah kawin tu. Baguih dok ada la.

p/s: I'll do your tag soon afterwards ya. Yeah don't worry, I do carry man bag around with pantyliner innit.

Jack Jack

2011-03-10T23:36:00.001+08:00

You know it's divine to make babies laugh.

'Cuz you know they're not faking it.

Alkeela

2011-03-06T20:05:00.003+08:00

"Homicide has never been cuter."

..with cute accent too.

Sk8er Boi

2011-03-05T15:23:00.003+08:00

Dulu, waktu orang sibuk-sibuk nak SPM, di tepi musolla high school aku, budak-budak otai tengah bertarung lawan hafal content mukasurat buku rujukan chemistry. Yang aku ingat masa tu, ada budak nama Joe ni bapak la agung.

"Ha Joe, page 105?"

"..Oh, itu cerita fasal tindak balas kimia-"

Mungkin berkat makan kismis minda dan tidak beronani yang membuatkan ingatan Joe hebat macam gajah. Namun, disebalik keghairahan rakan-rakan sebaya berlawan ingat mukasurat buku rujukan, aku dengan anak Dato' Harun tengah membelek helaian dalam kaset Let Go.

"Kau tengok ni. Makaih, cun gigi taring dia"

"..Hmm.."

"Nak sebut nama dia kau tau tak Tek? Avril Laveeen macamtu"

"Makaih"

Dua tiga menjak lepastu, aku kena bahan sebab suka gigi taring Ex-Whibley.

-----

Semalam email masuk dengan subjek, 'Idola Kau' beserta content link illegal download from JWG Torrent untuk album Goodbye Lullaby yang aku dah lama tunggu keluar kat Piratebay.

Hmm. Berpasir jugakla mata.

Pengantin & Anak Emak!

2011-02-22T09:12:00.003+08:00

Majalah Pengantin Rabiulawal 1432, "Ana Raffali suka lelaki anak emak."

Astaghfirullahalazim. Memang dah kena dah dengan aku tu. Kalau bukan mengenangkan pandangan serong masyarakat setempat, dah aku beli buat potong helaian untuk balut buku.

p/s: Girls with bangs will never go out of style. Case in point? Siti Safiyah Amirah.

Selamat Tahun Ke-25!

2010-12-23T16:33:00.003+08:00

Hadi Che Muda. 24 tahun, 174cm, 128kg.

Jurutera Perancang di Mumbai-he. Bakal mendirikan rumah tangga dengan seorang Tengku. Lalang tegar. Atau Abu-Abu oghang Seghawak kata. Cakap nak manis tapi hakikat mulut tungki'. Above all, sahabat of all season dan pemain bass yang kord C nya saja yang lebih.

Mohd Nor Hadi Che Muda. 25 tahun, 173cm, 138kg, sudah berpunya dan tidak menetap bersama ibu.

Selamat hari lahir. Moga panjang umur murah rezeki kirim salam pada Ji!

2010-12-13T20:19:00.003+08:00

Them sexy pole dancers and go-go dancers ain't got shit on these bradahs.

2010-12-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

"In one experience I remember vividly, there was a rich range of shades. It must have been late 1941 or early 1942. Jews were required to wear the Star of David and to obey a 6 p.m. curfew. I had gone to play with a Christian friend and had stayed too late. I turned my brown sweater inside out to walk the few blocks home. As I was walking down an empty street, I saw a German soldier approaching. He was wearing the black uniform that I had been told to fear more than others – the one worn by specially recruited SS soldiers.

As I came closer to him, trying to walk fast, I noticed that he was looking at me intently. Then he beckoned me over, picked me up, and hugged me. I was terrified that he would notice the star inside my sweater. He was speaking to me with great emotion, in German. When he put me down, he opened his wallet, showed me a picture of a boy, and gave me some money. I went home more certain than ever that my mother was right: people were endlessly complicated and interesting."

2010-11-21T13:49:00.000+08:00

13h10n: Selamat Raya Qurban!

2010-11-12T15:26:00.003+08:00

11/12
The Special Abode

11/12
Abode of Sincerity
Muddy Estuary

11/13
Abode of Tranquility

11/14 & 15
Abode of Faith

11/16 & 17
The Blissful Abode

11/18
Abode of Peace

11/19 & 20
Palit

11/20 & 21
Pulau Pinang

11/22
The Land of Grace

11/23
Baiti

---

Aa, ape makan best kat Semenanjung ni aa?

---

Kalau ~~pengembara~~ musafir ~~tidur dalam kereta~~ layak dapat daging korban ke aa?

---

Apahal tak ada orang inzal dengar marka cakap baku?

"Ada wang kecil?"

Baku?

Maya Karin?

Fak this shit.

Ikan Laga.

2010-11-10T13:37:00.005+08:00

Ice Kacang Puppy Love = +1

Lee Sinje = +1

Lee Sinje in overall w/short hair = +9000 overkill.

Seriously, who wears jeans overall like this anymore? If I see one, I'll cut it off!

Awesome chick aside, seriously, this is a real good movie, go watch it - if you ~~are slowpoke like me~~ haven't yet.

Pic from: IKPL

Selamat Deepavali Ane.

2010-11-05T02:54:00.000+08:00

Ha ha.

Boleh Bah Kalau Kau.

2010-10-15T01:13:00.004+08:00

Moque flickr (klik!).

Jalan Lampu Merah.

2010-09-26T00:52:00.003+08:00

Ashraf, baru-baru ini ada ke Amsterdam. Di Amsterdam, Ashraf did several weirdo stuffs during his walk to the infamous Red Light District.

Pakai kot wool. Tangan masuk dalam poket. Jalan laju-laju tengah malam pukul 0200. Sambil sekali sekala tangan seluk poket lihat Google Maps di Iphone.

Bayangkanlah.

"Aku buat tiga trip Mok untuk 3 hari. Setiap sehari aku time kan masa aku untuk sampai sana dari apartment aku. 11 km for 8 minutes. Hari ketiga baru aku masuk."

3 days trip.

Each journey is 22 km to and fro.

That's a total of 66 km.

To top it all, 11 km under 8 minutes.

A whole fucking 8 minutes.

That's a determination worth mentioning for.

RLD really is heaven on earth.

5 Down, 31 More To Go.

2010-09-26T00:25:00.003+08:00

Taman Tanjung Minyak, Melaka.

---

"Kau tau Mok, aku nikah 18hb. Sanding Ahad esoknya. Sabtu malam Ahad tu Mudin mesej aku tanya 'Amacam?'. Ha Din, ni kau nak tanya best ke tak kahwin ni tanyalah Ziana ni." - Pengantin baru.

Alih-alih Mudin yang blushing lebih-lebih.

"Aku main-main je dengan Zia tadi Mok. Sekali dia bagitau Ziana. Seganla aku." - Mudin, budak Pontian.

1431H

2010-09-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

Minta ampun dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki.

Tapi kalau ada yang aku tak angkat panggilan ke, buat-buat keras ke, bagi janji manismu ke, ha lantak koranglah.

Ha ha.

Seriesli, minta maaf ya.

Have a blast.

Girls Like Boys With Skills! You gotta have wood!

2010-08-01T06:03:00.003+08:00

This was supposed to be pretty deertayh but somehow (?) damn funneyh. Plus the girl in stripe is Napoleon(ey) hot.

The One Who Always Leave Interesting Comments!

2010-07-19T08:58:00.005+08:00

Long time ago, back when PSOne is still in the rage, I used to play my very first Final Fantasy franchise game. The FFVIII (year 2000 was it?). Which is by far the bestest version ever by Square Enix (boo to all FFVII fanbois ;)).

There's a character in the game, visualised to the audience when Squall (the main character) somehow went into trance (I think?) and have a flashback of other people memories. Which was presumably his father (if I recall it correctly).

During the flashback, there's a dialogue between Laguna (Squall's father) and his-soon-mom-to-be. The conversation goes kinda like this,

"..I wanna travel all over the globe. I wanna see new things."

"Really? That's nice. Would you tell others about my village?"

"Nope."

"Aww. Why is that? I thought you like this village?"

"Yes. I do like it very very much. I have a great time spending here with you. That's why I wanna keep it a secret. I don't want other people to come here."

I have my fair share with the blogosphere community if I may say so myself, and during my decent stint, never have I got a reply - from where I commented on the author piece, strike me as royal flush. Maybe one of the reason 'I' swam so quickly the other day (on my mother's womb? got it?).

How I wish to keep the findings a secret. The author's work of art. Never to share it with others.

She's sure had soared far up these days.

Tiba-tiba Semua Orang Pakai Baju Warna Oren Dan Ada Akaun Twitter!

2010-07-11T06:35:00.002+08:00

Cough*

Kalaulah..!

2010-07-11T04:34:00.002+08:00

Kalaulah goal bar tu ada defects sikit, tertinggi dari biasa, pasti masuk.

Kalaulah ade certain grass blade kat base bola tu lain sikit, pasti masuk.

Kalaulah masa time bola tu airborne ada angin tiup sikit je pun, pasti masuk.

Kalaulah time saya angkat free kick tu ada kurang seorang yang tiup trumpet plastik yang orang Afrika curi dari Meksiko, pasti masuk.

Kalaulah saya sengetkan kaki sikit saja lagi, atau padukan lagi tendangan, pasti bola tu pergi lebih laju sedikit dan bola tu masuk.

Kalaulah graviti kuat sikit je time tu, bola tu pasti terdeflect angle yang lain lantas melantun ke bawah bukan menuju ke langit, pasti masuk.

...

Patutnya free kick final Diego tu masuk dalam Nike Write The Future.

Abg H.amka, Si Doktor Cinta!

2010-07-09T12:27:00.002+08:00

“You know you‘re in love after you found somebody really special, that you can just shut up for a day and comfortably enjoy the silence.”

Source.

Atau yang dari Mia.

Well Whaddya Know. I'm A Ten Too!

2010-06-17T08:52:00.002+08:00

" Wendell, you were plenty good enough for me. You were just never good enough for you." - Tina Jordan

Probably the best advice a movie had given me.

Apart those from Don Corleone.

I think.

ps: Alice Eve acting looks damn cute. With her giggle and all. Maybe even cuter than Anna Kendrick's crying scene.

2010-06-16T09:21:00.001+08:00

Nike Football Write The Future ~~mungkin~~ boleh dapat 9.5/10.

Tapi Coca-cola History of Celebration patut dapat 10 over 10.

(Klik.)

2010-06-15T13:20:00.000+08:00

Should I be the girl, I'll marry him 2 times over.

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 14!

2010-06-09T09:05:00.002+08:00

1995,

Abah, kenapa bila nak balik rumah atuk ni, rasa macam lama je. Tapi bila nak balik cepat pulak.

Oh. Itu sebabnya, masa kita on the way ke rumah atuk, semua pokok-pokok tepi jalan sapa kita. Tanya kita nak pergi mana.

"Eh, dia tu nak pergi mana ha?"

"Nak pergi mana tu?"

Jadi, kita pun ambil masa lah nak jawab soalan pokok-pokok tu semua. Terasalah lambat.

Oo. Habis tu bila nak balik kenapa rasa sekejap pulak?

Bila kita nak balik, pokok-pokok tadi tu semua dah tahu yang kita ni dah nak balik ke rumah.

"Dah nak balik dah dia ni ya."

2010,

Jauh betul rasa nak pergi PD ni. Tapi bila nak balik sekejap pulak ye bang?

Pokok banyak tanya.

Ha? Pokok banyak tanya?

Hehe.

Hehe.

Cikgu Baharudin & Makcik Salimah

2010-06-03T09:16:00.001+08:00

Dalam banyak-banyak negara dalam benua Asia, ada satu negara yang mana senarai kaum 'rasmi'nya ada 3. Jarang-jarang ada negara yang ada privilege macam negara tu. Dalam negara tu, ada sebuah negeri di mana ibu negaranya terletak. Dalam negeri itu, ada sebuah daerah yang mana, lapangan terbang antarabangsa negara itu terletak. Dalam daerah itu, ada sebuah kampung yang kecil, dan dalam kampung itu ada sebuah lorong kecil yang mana terletaknya rumah Cikgu Baharudin & Makcik Salimah.

Cikgu Baharudin adalah seorang guru sekolah rendah di kampungnya. Umum tahu, cikgu-cikgu di kawasan kampung sebaya Cikgu Baharudin selalunya tidak dilantik berdasarkan kelayakan on paper tetapi lebih kepada pengalaman di dada.

Hampir semua orang di kampung panggil Cikgu Baharudin cikgu.

"Cikgu! Nak pergi mana tu?"

"Cikgu, esok ada tahlil rumah saya. Jemputlah ya?"

Lepas pencen, menjadi norma Cikgu Baharudin berbasikal setiap kali waktu solat ke masjid. Daripada sihat cergas berbasikal, sampailah ditegah untuk berbasikal kerana mutu penglihatan yang merosot. Cikgu Baharudin akan tetap juga ke masjid - dengan berjalan kaki.

Sewaktu masih cergas berbasikal, menjadi kemestian Makcik Salimah untuk mengelap basikal suaminya di subuh hari, sebelum Cikgu Baharudin ke masjid. Macam matahari yang tak pernah miss terbit, macam tu lah Makcik Salimah dengan perihal mengelap basikal tua suaminya.

Tak pernah sekali pun miss.

Tak pernah.

Tak berapa lama selepas daya penglihatan Cikgu Baharudin merosot, kesihatan fizikalnya juga makin lama makin merudum. Mungkin sudah qada' dan qadar Illahi, Cikgu Baharudin pergi dahulu meninggalkan isterinya.

Rumah yang dahulunya tinggal berdua, sekarang tinggallah Makcik Salimah seorang. Hidup mesti terus bak kata orang.

Tak ada lagi kelibat seorang tua berjalan kaki ke masjid setiap kali waktu solat.

Sekarang yang tinggal hanyalah basikal tua arwah Cikgu Baharudin. Basikal tua yang Makcik Salimah masih tak pernah miss lap, setiap pagi subuh, setiap hari, setiap minggu, setiap bulan, setiap tahun.

Tak pernah sekali pun miss.

Tak pernah.

Umum tahu yang Cikgu Baharudin dah tak ada. Tapi entahla. Habits die hard?

Atau mungkin, inilah yang orang kata.

Pasangan suami isteri di dunia, dan juga Inshaallah di syurga kelak.

2010-05-31T17:36:00.001+08:00

Things She Could Do With Her Mouth!

2010-05-28T06:09:00.001+08:00

The 120 Days of Moque!

2010-05-27T08:22:00.003+08:00

I've choosen to sacrifice a pair of underwear. They mean a lot to me because I don't have many laundry opportunities while travelling. I sacrifice them to Barge.

Dari Fadhilah Kamtumi Ke Kari Lembu!

2010-05-20T23:16:00.005+08:00

Umur masing-masing dah lanjut.

Perangai tetap macam setan.

God Damn Georgie!

2010-05-11T02:27:00.004+08:00

Padme and her daughters in action.

Apart from bringing us the SWars-verse, derivatives like this are very much welcomed and highly appreciated.

Many thanks Luke.

Dari: Carlist Blog

Yip Sifu!

2010-05-03T22:08:00.004+08:00

Achong. Seorang naturalist, yang mengamalkan kehidupan hedonism, adalah seorang nudist yang tegar. Selain daripada itu, beliau juga adalah seorang yang mempunyai semangat patriotik yang lain macam semangatnya.

Justeru, adalah normal apabila beliau berkata sebegini,

"Aku kalau tak dek terkenangkan azab kubur, memang aku dah proceed dengan rancangan nak establish agama Yip".

Achong, achong.

Jakarta Puncak Bandung!

2010-04-28T03:09:00.002+08:00

Macam-macam hal.

Semoga Berbahagia ke Anak Cucu!

2010-04-25T23:23:00.005+08:00

I would say, amongst my many friends, he is the most matured, in every way, ahead both of his age and peers.

Dari kiri hamba tuhan, jurutera JPS, jurutera jalan bahagian pp, tuan punya kedai, maam besar, sumandak kk, jurutera sewerage.

Selamat pengantin baru Din. Dengar kata penyelamnya dah melekat?

...

On another note.

Kalau ke Terengganu, khususnya Kuala Terengganu. Pastikan untuk mencuba yang di bawah.

1. Mengambil gambar di lampu isyarat udang & sotong di Marang untuk prosperity ber-seafood.

2. Makan nasi minyak, nasi lemak, nasi kerabu di restoren berhadapan (seberang jalan) Masjid Terapung, KT. Sebelah dia ada kedai perabot (lampu) rasanya.

3. Makan mee goreng di gerai tepi jalan. Ingat. Makan di situ juga. Berbekalkan kerusi plastik, meja makan juga adalah meja tempat letaknya mee tersebut. Faham ke? Disebabkan itu, sambil-sambil makan boleh kuis-kuis me kat depan kita tu untuk cari-cari ketulan ayam/daging/(isikan saja apa yang orang biasa letak dalam mee goreng).

4. Pergi ke Mydin KT untuk ambil feel komuniti di sana. Dah lebih dari Alamanda ghopenye Mydin tu.

5. Ingat. Kalau ke perpustakaan negeri, jangan duduk lelaki perempuan semeja. Kelak akan disound oleh mak guard.

6. Singgah ke pantai-yang-dekat-dengan-Seberang-Takir tu untuk layan sotong, udang, etc celup tepung. Setahu aku selain di pantai timur ni tiada. Bukan yang makan seafood tu bai. Yang ni makan petang. Rilek aje orang sana petang-petang makan sotong celup tepung bersahaja.

7. Di malam hari, order burger sedap di gerai tepi restoren (1) dan makan di dalam kompaun Masjid Terapung. Pakailah seluar pendek bersama rakan yang lain jika kau rebel.

8. Akhir sekali singgah ke Bukit Tok Beng untuk keropok lekor. Di sana dia orang masak keropok tu pakai relau api yang macam orang buat lebur besi tu. Bapak ah. Juga berhampiran kawasan itu ada Air Buah Pior - atau google lebih banyak menyenaraikan carian sebagai Air Buah Gelas Besar. Ingat, order macam ni,

"Campur. Gelah debe."

Gelah debe tu tukar kepada gelas besarlah kalau kau goyang. Oh jangan lupa order keropok lekor RM 20 juga. Biar makan sampai muntah.

Nak Cari, Biarlah Yang Bertudung!

2010-04-23T00:44:00.008+08:00

1997,

Abu, ketua murid SK Salak baru saja sampai ke sekolah. Keluar dari Proton Perdana Ungu First Edition yang dipandu emaknya, dia macam biasa-biasa, lap-lap kabus di cermin matanya lepas keluar dari tempat sejuk.

Terus ke kelas ikut pintu belakang, langkah Abu terhenti.

"Apahal lak ada 2 marka ni berdiri kat sisi pintu macam ni?"

Getus hati Abu sambil terus melangkah ke pintu hadapan kelas.

"Eh, sini pun ada?"

Abu being Abu, tak jadi masuk kelas dan terus naik atas ke pejabat sekolah untuk ambil blazer. Nak siap-siap untuk perhimpunan pagi Isnin.

Waktu lalu ke pejabat sekolah, Abu terdengar marka yang jaga pintu belakang tu kata.

"Kan aku dah kata. Dia takut kat perempuan. Kalau dia seorang kat kelas, mesti keluar kalau perempuan yang masuk."

"Hihi. Yelah."

"Kau tunggulah nanti perhimpunan nanti aku panggil nama kau", getus Abu jenis berdendam kesumat.

....

2006,

Abu keluar temu janji dengan marka yang dia kenal waktu Tahun Asas di Johor. Berjumpa di Berjaya Times Square, Emie melambai kepada Abu.

Bersinglet putih. Celak sedang-sedang. Skirt ungu. Sling bag di bahu. Legging hitam. Sepatu flat hitam. Gelang banyak di tangan. Ada besar ada kecik. Muka macam Nasha Aziz. Kut. Mungkin hidung dia besar sikit. Kut.

Macam mana dia boleh nak keluar dengan Abu, dia pun tak tahu. Mungkin Emie ada fetish sama lelaki berkaca mata. Who knows. Whatever rocks her boatlah.

"Hi. Jum?"

Abu always wondered. How did he get from there to there.

Khairil, Ini Betul-Betul, Bukan Khayalan!

2010-04-21T22:08:00.003+08:00

"Dah macam P. Ramlee"

Tang mana yang sama dengan P. Ramlee pun aku tak tahu.

Mungkin kalau stay indoor lebih lama boleh sama macam Tun Sri Lanang kut.

Good Luck!

2010-04-19T17:37:00.006+08:00

Kak, nak photostat ni.

Hmm, ambil esoklah ya.

Eh, sikit je ni. Saya nak pakai esok.

Oklah tu. Ambillah esok pagi. Kita pukul 7 dah buka.

Tak boleh. Ni saya pinjam nota kawan. Esok final. Dia nak balik ni.

Haish. Kalau macam tu ambillah pukul 3.

Pukul 3? Lagi 2 jam. Saya nak balik KL ni.

Eii. Macam-macam.

(Eh dia ni. Aku lak kena macam-macam. Ingat macam dia seorang je ke ada kedai photostat kat Hentian Kajang ni. Nasib baik petite. Rambut pendek lak tu.)

Lagi sejam ye. Pukul 2 saya datang balik.

....

On the way menuju ke rumah lepas ambil naskah photostat tadi, aku terfikir. Apahal photostat sikit pun dah sampai RM 9.30?

Bangkai, mana resit tadi.

Tengah-tengah aku teliti resit photostat tu, tiba-tiba aku tersengih-sengih seorang-seorang.

Always A Sucker For A Short Haired!

2010-03-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

Stand Up!

2010-03-12T19:03:00.004+08:00

"Hey.."

"..yeah?"

"..You know. I've done some things in the past. Certain things that I'm not proud of."

"..So? Everybody does that at certain point of time."

"I mean. How do you get up in the morning and face yourself in the mirror?"

"Easy."

He walks straight to me and hug me tightly.

"Everything's gonna be okay."

p/s: Bertempur dengan memakai spec amatlah tak favourable. Gua perlu start cari contact lenses.

Selamat Twenty-Ten, Kong Hei Fatt Choi & Maulud Nabi!

2010-03-02T15:59:00.003+08:00

Hi.

Maaflah jika ada tak jawab panggilan tu.

Eheh.

Jadi Selamat Tahun Baru lagi sekali ya (lewat 2 bulan).

Rakaman senarai ucapan maaf akan menyusul di post mendatang.

p/s: Abg Mat, Glastonbury 23 Jun nanti. Jadi ke?

Jurulatih Renang!

2009-12-10T04:39:00.005+08:00

After seeing Davina Goh in bikinis & nighties, I am officially an ass man now.

Bukan Davina Goh atau Swimming Instructor.

Not Every Person Enjoy The Required Balls To Sing Great Songs Again.

2009-11-26T05:00:00.001+08:00

We are just a small soft candles in a tub full of water.

Sambil Lewa!

2009-11-10T10:17:00.003+08:00

1. Bangun pagi pukul 7.

2. Shower, solat subuh ~~gajah~~.

3. Pack buku, ambil stoking baru.

4. Makan sarapan, minum Tangerine 100 Plus.

5. Salam parent - bahagian sokongan spiritualis.

6. Start injin kereta dan terus menderum laju keluar.

7. Sampai di luar bilik kuliah (peperiksaan di bilik kuliah aje) tepat pukul 8:25 pagi. Cantitlah tu. Ada lagi at least 30min sebelum test mula.

Tit.tit.tit.

Salam bos, ada mana dah? He he.

Salam. Ada rumah lagi. Kau dah sampai ke? Tunggu aku. Study dulu weh.

Eh ada rumah lagi? Soil pukul berapa ni?

2:30 petang lah. Kenapa?

Kalau kau ada nampak brader bawa kereta, tangan keluar tingkap, lalu Jalan Jenderam (Bangi Lama), sambil air mata bercucuran, akulah tu.

Padah!

2009-11-02T15:00:00.004+08:00

Padah 1

8:03PM

Kamu periksa bila ni?

Esok kot mak.

ESOK?! KAMU JANGAN MAIN-MAIN. DAH MALAM DAH NI.

Eheh. Nanti abg check dulu.

CHECK CEPAT. KAMU NI MACAM BUDAK-BUDAK LA.

...

(bangkai. esok betul rupanya. 2 paper pula tu. ah study Soil je lah. dah tak sempat ni. RC kira cincailah. lagi pun RC petang, in between recess tu bacalah kejap apa yang patut)

Padah 2

5:46AM

(ah. kira khatam jelah 8 bab ni. rehat dulu sepam. pukul 7 bangun ah. final pukul 9:30)

ZZzz..

Ring ring.

Salam, ha mie, apa cerita?

Salam, hah, ada mana?

Hehe. Rumah lagi. Baru pukul lapan. Exam 9:30AM kan?

Eh mana ada 9:30? Kau ingat Fakulti Elektrik ke? 9:00 la!

Padah 3

8:57AM

Mie, Soil dulu ni kan? Lepas tu petang baru RC kan?

Eh, mana ada Soil hari ni. Soil minggu depan la. Hari ni RC je.

Puk-

Padah 4

12:43PM

Ni balik terus ke ni Zaini?

Haah, ye lah kut. 1 malam tak tidur. Kasi tidur puas-puas dulu. He he.

Oh, ingatkan nak study Coastal. Esok coastal kan?

Coastal Jumaat ni la.

Eh, esokla. Tadi aku baru jumpa Ira dengan Kak Nurul tu. Diorang tengah study Coastal. Coastal dah lah susah ye tak? He he.

Bab-

"Selamat Menghadapi ~~Final~~ Hidup"

VC 51!

2009-10-27T20:24:00.000+08:00

Do you have your Holiday in Goa?

VC 50!

2009-10-20T11:39:00.002+08:00

"There is always beauty. In everything. Even in nothingness." - Abu.

Laluan Jihad!

2009-10-20T11:33:00.003+08:00

My first take on Brilliant (Smart?) (Interactive?) Chess.

Laluan Jihad...WTF?!

"Senang cerita, kalau kita nak kaya dan terus kaya ni, kita tak boleh kaya seorang-seorang. Kena ajak orang lain kaya sama kita." - Newly Wed.

Seriously, board game ni agung. Pergi angkat satu di KFC berdekatan anda.

VC 49!

2009-10-20T05:34:00.001+08:00

EK 39: Twisted Princesses!

2009-10-12T04:56:00.001+08:00

Awesome. Kan?

Dari sini.

Dari sini.

VC 48: Don't Fear If You Lose Your Mind!

2009-10-12T04:31:00.000+08:00

Seleksi SMS Pilihan!

2009-10-11T20:39:00.004+08:00

On buying online game items,
Hehe. Xd la. Sume da ckp da. Tenkiu2. -Sibling A

On still being pet by parent like little children,
Salam, abang cari makan dulu sebelum balik, sebab abah mama gi meru kelng jumpa kawan, takut lambat balik. Tq -Parent A

On still dependent on colleague for skipping classes far too many times,
Energy method msk,yg derive formula xmsk -Colleague A

Salam.En Kat bg prj 1@prestres. Nanti sy bt copy -Colleague B

Nanti aku email kat ko soalan..pastu ko study2 skit.ko power..anak2 shanmugan semua otai bab structures.hehe -Colleague C

Ya Tuan Pemaju, Test Prestress esok, 2.30pm. RC next week, 10/9@8pm. -Colleague B

Bro.tlg reply msg aku..nk antar assignment ni -Colleague C

Prof shan tanye nape slalu xdtg kelas -Colleague A

Salam,abg nk email..mlm ni k.nurul email kat abg psl project..any komen email k.nurul..ira pk kite cari je information 2 dulu. -Colleague D

On weekly meeting of eating at Jumaat prayer mosque,
Kompom lps smyg aa? Gua mkn karipapla dulu -Friend A

Makan kat Kedai dia x feel beb..nak kena pakai mangkuk polisterin bawah pokok baru world -Friend A

On bitching out yet another phone call/text/friendly meeting/hang out/gathering,
Ala butuh la.Ak reply msg xreply blk -Friend B

baiklah zaini -Friend D

Mcm ni la kwn.,kate frensip.aku dh dtg kl nk jmpe member xnk jmpe aku..td aku call aku ade kt nilai nk ajk ko bebuke sm.xpela mok semoga ko bahagia. -Friend D

Duhai sahabat.sy akan bertolak ke kolumpo ptg ni.harap dpt la lepak2 minum teh tarik kdi mamak. -Friend D

Hi Zaini, how's life goin on? I know its kinda late to ask u this.. But do u want to joint us berbuka today? If its okay just hit me back aite? Peace out -Friend A

Peh rare sial. lepak opis akula wei pliss. Mapelir opis aku tu sedap (pancing) -Friend A

Salam.msg sy klu free sebb sy nak dtg amek baju.-kawan miji.tq -Kawan Miji

On chartering friend from the airport,
Sampai kat mana.sy ada kt nelson ni.ada kt luar ke kt dlm?(sambil bkata dlm hati,apa kes bgtau sampai dah,location xmention) -Friend C

Nvm la. I will back wif taxi then. Jahat la u. Dekat pun kedekut nak hantar. -Girl A

On the so called blogosphere world,
Aku mandul.So? -fynn j -Friend A

On being hired for translate,
Salam, Tolong translate busu dah emailkan, sikit je...he..hi..dah kelabu mate busu.. -Aunt A

Assmkum saya kak ita kwn kak jumiatin nak minta edit assment dah email pun -Aunt A's mate.

On being mediator for yet another "air dicincang tak akan putus" moment,
Boleh ah di,nanti sy ambik ah tiket flight ke kl.lgpon wife sy lmbt lg beranak.ikut calculation dr,anytime by now.sy xperlu pon ada bsama ngan dia utk ms2 terakhir ni. -Friend D

Blh plk ko buat lwk kn?aku sdih xigt ni. -Friend D

On Mudin still being Mudin,
Ko dlm kelas ape plak? Ko sbg master ke? Katne? Peh. Ni yg aku geram ni. -Friend E

On fasting,
RMo.oo Jangan banyakkan tidur di siang hari kerana hanya tidur orang berpuasa yang berpada-pada sahaja akan dikira sebagai satu ibadah. -Parent B

On Raya,
Selamat hari raya aidilfitri. Maaf zahir dan batin =) dari Nad H -Friend F

On LB selamanya,
Cinta kain putih.thr gegar. -Friend D

EK 38!

2009-10-02T12:33:00.004+08:00

**Update: Matno kata ini bukan kali yang pertama. So...**

Amboi.

Boleh lihat upacara konvo universiti gambang live via interweb sekarang?

Amboi.

VC 47!

2009-10-01T23:09:00.001+08:00

Dari Greater Manchester Ke Pachel Leyley

Aku Nikahkan Akan Dikau

Aku Nikahkan Akan Dikau

So Far This Week

Walaupun Mempunyai Sifat Pemalu Dan Pendiam

Asmie

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 16: Edisi Akhir

Yah Anak Mak Ngah Yang Ketiga.

I Got Sad Sometimes Too When I Think About Fish.

I'm Trying To Take A Piss Here So Don't You Dare Come Near My Birdie!

These Manly Tears Have Been Shed

Like An Artist.

ObL.

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 15

Pengalaman Saya Berjumpa Sa-orang Adi-Ningrat Indie

Tarik!

How Guys Talk

Cougar

Kalau Penat, Berhenti Sekejap.

Random Is The Way To Go

Rad

She

Bonnie and Clyde

Jack Jack

Alkeela

Sk8er Boi

Pengantin & Anak Emak!

Selamat Tahun Ke-25!

13h10n: Selamat Raya Qurban!

Ikan Laga.

Selamat Deepavali Ane.

Boleh Bah Kalau Kau.

Jalan Lampu Merah.

5 Down, 31 More To Go.

1431H

Girls Like Boys With Skills! You gotta have wood!

The One Who Always Leave Interesting Comments!

Tiba-tiba Semua Orang Pakai Baju Warna Oren Dan Ada Akaun Twitter!

Kalaulah..!

Abg H.amka, Si Doktor Cinta!

Well Whaddya Know. I'm A Ten Too!

Siri Bercakap Dengan Abah 14!

Cikgu Baharudin & Makcik Salimah

Things She Could Do With Her Mouth!

The 120 Days of Moque!

Dari Fadhilah Kamtumi Ke Kari Lembu!

God Damn Georgie!

Yip Sifu!

Jakarta Puncak Bandung!

Semoga Berbahagia ke Anak Cucu!

Nak Cari, Biarlah Yang Bertudung!

Khairil, Ini Betul-Betul, Bukan Khayalan!

Good Luck!

Always A Sucker For A Short Haired!

Stand Up!

Selamat Twenty-Ten, Kong Hei Fatt Choi & Maulud Nabi!

Jurulatih Renang!

Not Every Person Enjoy The Required Balls To Sing Great Songs Again.﻿

Sambil Lewa!

Padah!

VC 51!

VC 50!

Laluan Jihad!

VC 49!

EK 39: Twisted Princesses!

VC 48: Don't Fear If You Lose Your Mind!

Seleksi SMS Pilihan!

EK 38!

VC 47!

Not Every Person Enjoy The Required Balls To Sing Great Songs Again.